Red Sun Morning: The Last Week in Retrospect

A sun-themed blog today...

I pretty much stuck to the schedule (from "Persevere, Clare") but there was one hitch in the entire ordeal and that was that my car broke down. On Tuesday night, I was driving home from CSUN and somewhere in Sun Valley (an area I'm not familiar with, and very shady-looking), the smell of something funky began surrounding me. I wondered if it was my car, but deep down, I knew it was my car.

I had made it home, at least the exit of the freeway near my place, and that's when the car shut down. It shut down like a Windows platform. I was burning pure oil in that car.

The combination of the terrible triangle of a commute, the hot weather, and the fact that that car has been giving me problems since the beginning of time caused the, quite literal, burnout. I wasn't even in a foul mood when it happened. I was just tired. I wanted to sleep.

Thank goodness for weekends, though, as they give one the time to recuperate. Although, this weekend started off just as stressful, what with Jen Ni and Mi Ra Flo leaving (that's Jenny and Myra, lol) and Saturday being an overall bad day. I won't go into that.

Oh yeah, didja hear about the fires? There are evacuations going on right now in the Glendale-Tujunga-La Crescenta-Pasadena area, because of the brush fire in the Angeles Crest that firefighters are having difficulty containing. It's very serious.

I remember a year ago when I posted some diddies about the fires in the valley. Man, it happens every year. Oddly enough, even though I'm close by these fires, I haven't smelled much smoke or ash. The overall heat doesn't help much, either.

Through the smoke in the early morning, the sun is a tiny red dot worshiped by the smoke clouds. It is something awe-inspiring but only occurs in times of disaster. The red sun is altogether beautiful and ugly, frightening and gorgeous, a symbol of how relentless and unforgiving nature can be, but so utterly pure that one cannot help but be stunned by the rare treasure in the sky.

:|

Free Write: Monkey

I want to move to fucking Montana, or someplace like that. Away from the fucking high-rises and the gas leaks of these crowded streets. I tire of the talk of insipid wisdom that means nothing, except laughing and soaking in the awesomeness that you have created, that you will pat yourself on the back for. Why is it the main priority is to make cash, cash, cash at any expense?

"Let us produce. Let us be metropolis," the high rises will say. "We will give you the luxuries you seek, but while you do so, please hold this wrench, my monkey, my tiny cog in the conglomerate machine."

In 2009, smiles are bought in the form of bubble-wrapped packages masquerading as mementos. Make your pay, have it taken away, and the rocking uncertainty evens out while you hope to find something worthwhile in the wreckage.

I keep fucking up left and right because I'm a softie pushover. I am the cog with a slight deformity, forced into the gears, teetering between "certainly sure" and "out of my mind."

"Hold this wrench, monkey," high-rises say, and I oblige.

I oblige so that I can buy books.

"Persevere, Clare."

The title of today's post comes from the novel, The Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger. It comes at a point where, the protagonist, Henry DeTamble (the time traveler) and Claire Abshire (the wife) are going through a stressful time in their marriage. Here is the excerpt from said piece (don't worry, I won't give anything away):

"How are you?" I ask.

"Terrible," she says softly. "Tired." I remember. Stayed in bed for weeks. "Henry, I quit." She watches me, trying to gauge my reaction to this, weighing her intention against my knowledge. "I give up. It isn't going to happen."

Is there anything to stop me from giving her what she needs? I can't think of a single reason not to tell her. I stand and rack my brain for anything that would preclude Clare knowing. All I remember is her certainty, which I am about to create.

"Persevere, Clare."

"What?"

"Hang in there..."

And then he goes on to explain why she should stop worrying, and that all her pain and frustration will soon become worthwhile, turn into something beautiful.

Now, I don't have a Henry DeTamble to tell me that everything will be okay. I'm a solo act, and have been for a while, which I don't mind as I'm quite comfortable. But I am at that point in my life where I have a slight bit of uncertainty, frustration, stress, and worry.

I started a new job two weeks ago. I work full-time in West Hollywood. What? English majors can get jobs, really? This must be a milestone. No, in all seriousness...I started a full-time job that I'm not particularly fond of. I'm not going to complain or vent about it, because it's going to be hard to explain why. I'm aware that in this economy, I can't afford to be so picky and spoiled. I'll ignore that ill feeling in my stomach when I think about my job and my commute because I need to remember that it could be worse. It really could be worse.

Romeo said to Juliet, "All these woes shall serve for sweet discourses in our times to come."

Meaning that right now, I'm frightfully unhappy (well, was never 100% to begin with, anyway. Not yet at least.) and I feel ill when I think about going to my job, but I'm going to suck it up. I'm going to try.

Because, if you recall, I am also starting grad school. I am taking two classes:
ENGL 457 International Literature
T 7:00-9:45 pm

ENGL 652 Creative Writing Studies
Thurs 4:00-6:45 pm
This week is the first week of school, in fact. I'm going to devise a plan for organization and will post it here so I will have a written document of what I will be doing. Hopefully, if it's in writing, I will stick to it.

I work in West Hollywood. I go to school in Northridge. I live in Eagle Rock.

Now, in any other town, these distances aren't so bad. It would take me 20 minutes to drive to each destination, easy. However, this is Los Angeles we are talking about and I have drivento all three in one day, during the times I need to be at any given location and I will be traveling at peak times. I will need to be released from work early on Thursdays to be in Northridge before 4. My boss is aware of this, but has not worked out how I can make up the hours. So I will hypothesize what I might do.

Here is what I propose for this coming week 08/23-8/30, as well as a sample outline of what I will attempt to accomplish through 11/10 (when my contract at my job ends):

Sun, 08/23
8:00 pm - have clothes laid out, ironed, lunch packed, gym clothes packed, water canister filled, complete 400-level course approval form
9:00 pm - finish reading for ENGL 457 (syllabus was online, so I could start reading right away)
9:30 pm- attempt to sleep

Mon, 08/24
5:00 am - wake up
5:05 am - snooze
5:30 am - really wake up, shower
6:00 am - breakfast, coffee, get ready
7:00 am - leave for work. 2 South, 101 North, exit Sunset, until I hit West Hollywood
7:45 am - work. I will try to write 3 pieces of content for websites an hour, for a total of 15 a day.
12:30-1:30 pm - lunch
4:45 pm - release
5:15 pm - drive to Northridge. Sunset, left on Laurel, right on Hollywood, left on Highland, 101 North, 170 North, exit Roscoe Blvd, west on Roscoe until Reseda Blvd, R on Reseda towards CSUN
sometime between 6-7 pm - EAT
7:00-9:00 pm - grad program orientation
9:30 - Glendale, gym
10:45 - home, then collapse

Tues, 08/25
Much the same as Monday, substitute grad program orientation with ENGL 457IL

Wed, 08/26
Day is much the same. No class.
6:00 pm- Hollywood, gym
7:00 pm- dinner, homework, reading
8:00 - sleep in early

Thurs, 08/27
Day is the same.
2:00 pm - end work. drive to Northridge.
4-7 pm - ENGL 652
7:45 pm - Glendale, gym
9:00 pm - home, collapse

Friday, 08/28
Day is the same.
5:00 pm - end work, go home, get ready for my Friday night when I will say goodbye to Jenny and Myra, and celebrate Lainey's birthday

Saturday, 08/29
Happy birthday, Lainey!
Some time in the afternoon, drive to Northridge for Northridge Review business.
Make up the lost 3 hours from work...somewhere?
Homework, reading.
Evening: open to festivity

Sunday, 08/29
Sleep in.
12:00 pm - personal training session
1:00 pm-? Northridge Review business
Homework, reading.
9:00 - sleep

Rinse and repeat roughly the same way, minus the extra drive to Northridge on Monday.

Does anyone have advice for me to plan this better or...words of wisdom? Any help would be useful. :) Somehow, none of this could even compare to moving across the world to Korea, though, like two (and soon a third) of my friends will soon be doing. :)